Sunday, February 22, 2009

My mom's boyfriend.

Just so you have some comparison. My mother is very competitive, and when Matt and I were dating, she would say things like "Matt's kind of cute, but he's really skinny, and has that huge nose. Lee has great shoulders. He's really a mans man, and he has this beautiful soft blonde carpet on his front and back." Stuff like that, which I just found nauseating and incredibley rude. So while we don't have to convince her of Matt's straightness, she is in doubt of his "manliness." Who. Cares. Matt is as manly as I need and can still give me a piggy-back ride. Besides, he's up against Encino Mans much uglier cousin.



I choose Few Kitty any day of the week.

16 comments:

Sue said...

Ummmm, so he knows it's 2009 and 1974 right? I don't mean to be rude B, but EWWWWW! And what does she mean about "soft blonde carpet on his front and back?" Does he have a harry back too? EWWWWWW! And as for a mother being in competition with her daughter, that is as disturbing as it gets. Your mom seems kind of shallow. Manhood is not judged by a man's shoulders! Sorry to knock on your mom B, I had to say it.

I know I'm Matt's sister, and totally biased. But he is adorable, and talented, and smart, and funny, has a great personality, generous, kind, loving, admits to his faults, is constantly trying to better himself, is loved by many, has good taste, loves his family, loves everyone, lightens up a room as soon as he walks in, is sensitive, honest....Okay, I'll stop, I could go on. But the above describes a great man.

Sue said...

I meant to say not 1974! Was he one of the Doobie Brothers?

Emily said...

Oh man, I'm having trouble finding words to do this little situation justice. To each his own (or "her own" I should say). You and your mom are truly from different sides of the universe, nothing displays that more then her trying to convince you that he is a better catch then Matt. True though, I don't know Lee, I could be missing something.

Soft blond carpet????????? I, uh, oh wow I think I finally found something that can make me puke at will....

Pops said...

Right on discription of Matt, Sue. Sums him up pretty good. What is with the speed bump on his face above his eyes? Looks like DeNero or some bad guy was banging his head on a bar a few zillion times.

Cat said...

I think he kind of looks like that guy in Happy Gilmore with the nail in his head!

Emily said...

I think the "bump" is where B gets his neanderthal description.

B said...

HAHAHA! I love you guys. My last, really long comment got deleted (probably the universe telling me I should be nicer to my mother). Anyways.

Sue: Yes she is referring to his body hair. It's soooo gross, especially when he walks around with no shirt on (which is most of the summer). Yes my mom is competitive, and it's messed up. Matt is so much more wonderful than anyone knows. He shuts up around my mom because she doesn't listen to a thing she's not interested in (thus the door mat being ordered). She's also developed the maturity of a 13 year old while in this relationship. For example: Before Christmas, she filled out a forward survey about the holidays. One of the questions was "What's the most annoying part about the holidays?" and she put "Having my kids home, because then I don't get to go see my honey as much." And then she sent it to all of us. She wasn't joking either.

I'm glad she and Lee are happy together, but she's given up on being a mom. And Lee has been through a lot. When he and my mom met, he was going through the murder trial of his wife, who was a nurse at the low-security prison outside of Riverton, and was killed by an inmate there. This hasn't changed his personality at all though. He's a roughneck through and through. He once threw a dead marmot at me (he traps animals and sells them for their fur in the winter.) My mom once killed a rattlesnake with a shovel, so he showed her how to skin it and it is now sitting in her freezer, waiting to be made into chili. And once, I went to get ice cream out of his freezer, only to find it stuffed full of dead prairie dogs and other small rodents. And he has an entire bedroom in his house where he keeps dead foxes and coyotes.

Em, Lee makes my mom happy. That's his one redeeming quality. But other than that, Lee is the kind of person that makes most small children and me run screaming. When Matt and I went to my moms house at Christmas, there were these chocolate popsicles that he'd made for all of us that were in the shape of bananas, breasts, and male body parts. I swear I'm adopted.



Sorry this is sooo long!! I needed to vent a little

Amy said...

Poor B! That's all I can say. We love you

Matt said...

This is crazy, my word verification is "sumaccho"

SO MACHO??

Thanks for the compliments everybody. Very very nice of you. I love the bip out of all of you.
I think the funniest part about this picture is how dressed up he is! I have never seen him look that good!! His hair is combed, he has a button up shirt. (he has a shirt)
The flower is a nice touch.
My favorite memory of christmas eve was when Cindy left all of us to go pick up Lee from the bar at around midnight because he was too drunk to drive home. How romantic!

B said...

Hehe, this was at his sons wedding. Most of the time his hair doesn't look this nice and his shirt looks like it's been chewed on.

Thanks Amy! Every time we visit my family, Matt's like "Wow, you really do marry into a family!" and I'm like "Yeah, lucky me!!"

Marcus and Haley Crook said...

Oh my goodness. All I can say is when your mom tries to put Matt down or you or anything it's just because she is probably a little jealous of what you and Matt have. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of that B. I'm glad that you love us so much!

Emily said...

The saddest part about all of that is that he was getting drunk at a bar until midnight on Christmas Eve. That could be the real reason your mom can't spend enough time with him around the holidays. That comment combined with the popsicles (which I really can't think of anything less appropriate to give to kids) would cause me to spend every holiday ever again somewhere else. If she ever complains, tell her why.

All the dead animal stuff makes me wonder what he is doing in Wyoming when he would be a lot more at home in the far back woods of Kentucky (or Arkansas). If I ever see him in person, I shall run away screaming myself.

Matt said...

Em: It's not just him. Didn't we tell you that B's mom gave Joe a couple Porno magz in his STOCKING last Christmas? Which then got passed all around Christmas morning for even the little girls to look at?? Yeah, aside from my mission, that was my first Christmas away from home.

Sue said...

So macho, it's funny how often the verification words relate to the subject on hand.

He traps animals and sells their fur? Who is he? Jim Bridger? I was going to say in my first post he looks like someone who drinks Jack Daniels and works at 7-11, but I decided I was being mean enough. But trapping animals and keeping rodents in the freezer and coyotes and foxes in a room FAR exceeds the low expectations I had of him. WOW! He threw a marmot at you? I didn't know those were real, I thought they were made up.

And as for the popsicles and porn, I think parents like that end up on Dr. Phil.

Emily said...

Yes Matt, I remember that story. I believe it is indelibly burned in my brain forever unfortunately.

B said...

Another Lee story. For Christmas, he got my little sisters some really nice earrings, made of black hills gold, sapphires, and jade. He put these little jewelry boxes in a bigger box, put that box in another box, and then filled the biggest box with dried horse manure. They had to go dump them out outside to get their presents. This is Lee through and through...

My word verification is dedisco. I love da disco! And My Dear Disco is a band that Matt discovered and NAMU that are awesome!!