Person 1: Are you married?
Person 2 : I'm divorced.
Person 1: Would you like to talk about that?
Person 2 : There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.
Person 1 : [pause] I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?
[talking to his fish]
Person 1: Good morning, Gil. I said, good morning, Gil.
Here's another one just for fun:
Person 1: I'm sailing! I'm sailing! I sail ! I'm a sailor ! I sail !
Person 1: [eating corn] Oh, Fay, this is so scrumptious. Is this hand-shucked?